Thanks Joe...

I started attending AA and Ca meetings in June of 1988. Because of my drug addiction and alcoholism I had no idea on how to live my life on life's terms. Although I stayed sober I wasn't really happy or did I believe in myself on the inside. I was still using other things beside mind and mood altering substances to fill the void. I was using food, spending and relationships to try to fix me.

I was in a relationship for 5 years which was at a standstill and I was once again unhappy. I would not acknowledge my unhappiness. I kept thinking " If I lose weight he';ll love me better, maybe if I buy a new car he will change and on and on" Blaming myself that this relationship wasn't working and that maybe I could change something about me that he would fall in love with me again.

Well he decided to break up with me and I lost it. I was depressed and I couldn't stop my mind from trying to make him come back. I spent countless hours thinking....

Finally one day I was pulling my car out of my garage and the thought came to me that I should just go get loaded but the next thought was naw I didn't want to lose my 13 years of sobriety.. I then thought maybe I should get a shot gun and put it in my mouth and pull the trigger. I saw my son next to me and new I couldn't do that.

My sponsor in AA suggested counseling and I called a couple of counselors on my insurance, one was a drug counselor and was asking me what drugs I needed, I wanted all of them and at once. Next counselor I went to see told me that it would take 2-3 sessions a week at 200.00 a shot and lots of medication for me to get well. After this appointment I called my sponsor crying coz I knew I needed help, but didn't know where to turn.

I was still attending meetings and I was getting something out of them but not enough. I ran into a friend that I had known since I got sober and I was angry with him from something that had happened along time ago. I knew he was into some sort of counseling but I wasn't sure what it was. I went up to him and asked him if he was still counseling people and he said; coaching, yes he was. I told him if he didn't help me I was going to kill myself. We went for coffee to talk and in 10-15 minutes I was feeling better. I started counseling with him once a week, and then once every 2 weeks and so on. I was able to look at things more open-minded and I was able to get up out of my depression! I am now able to get my life in my own hands and not blame anyone else for what is going on in my life. If a relationship doesn't work I can leave it now. I couldn't do that before I always took things personally and thought everything that didn't work out was my fault instead of having the ability to realize that everything is as it should be. I understand the meaning life is too short to waste it. I sometimes still need to go back for what Joe calls a tune up (when my old attitudes get in the way again) and then in one session I am ok with me again.

I was able to do this without medication or huge psychiatrist bills that insurance only covers a small part of. Sure some people think that paying out of pocket for services is too expensive, but I didn't have to give up too much to get better, I just stopped going to the show every week for awhile. To me it was really worth the money spent because I have myself today and I can live and accept me for who I am.

Thanks Joe..